my teenage nostalgia 13 (memo_184)

posted on 25 May 2012 18:28 by patchamemo

สถาปัตยกรรมในช่องปากตอนจบ...

คุณหมอจะปล่อยให้เราฟันโบ๋ไปโรงเรียนอยู่สักพักเพื่อรอให้แผลหาย แล้วจึงนัดมาใส่อุปกรณ์โดยเริ่มจากครอบฟันกรามซี่สุดท้ายด้วยเหล็กราวกับเป็นหัวหน้าพรรคหน่วยยึดลวด แล้วก็ให้เราไปปรับตัวให้คุ้นกับสิ่งนี้ก่อน รอบถัดมาจึงจะกระจายกำลังพลลูกพรรคแบร็กเก็ตลงไปบนหน้าฟันแต่ละซี่ของเราด้วยซีเมนต์ มันชักจะเหมือนไซต์ก่อสร้างเข้าไปทุกทีแล้วปากฉัน... ยังมีเวลาปล่อยให้เราตายใจอีกหนึ่งที อุปกรณ์เบียดกระพุ้งแก้มเหรอ ไม่เห็นจะเป็นอะไรมากเลย ยิ้มเยาะยักไหล่

 

แต่มาถึงคราวสุดท้าย ลงสนามจริงแล้วจ้ะ สิ่งที่จัดระเบียบฟันเราให้เข้าทางคือลวดที่สอดยาวตลอดหน้าฟันทุกซี่ ในการนัดครั้งนี้ตื่นเต้น เพราะพอไปถึง คุณหมอก็ให้เราเลือกสียางแบร็กเก็ตก่อนเลย พรุ่งนี้จะได้เอาไปยิ้มให้เพื่อนดูแล้ว!

ตอนที่ใส่ลวดเดินออกมาจากคลีนิค ก็แค่รู้สึกตึงๆ หน่อย ยังคงส่องกระจกชื่นชมลวดในปากพลางนึกในใจว่าพรุ่งนี้จะไปอวดใครบ้าง แต่พอมาถึงวันรุ่งขึ้นจริงๆ ทำไมมันปวดอย่างนี้!!! อารมณ์อยากไปยิงฟันโชว์ใครหายไปหมดสิ้น คิดถึงแต่ยาแก้ปวดอย่างเดียว

 

มาถึงด่านคุณครูแล้ว ที่ราชินีไม่ได้กำหนดลงไปในระเบียบชัดเจนหรอกว่าจะต้องจัดฟันด้วยยางสีอะไร แต่อย่างที่เรารู้กันดี เอ้าสีอะไรคะ? ตอบพร้อมๆ กันว่า... “สีสุภาพ”

สีสุภาพอีกแล้ว! แต่ใส่ยางใสๆ หรือสีขาวมันจะไปเก๋อะไรเล่า พวกเรามักจะจงใจเลือกสีที่ชอบที่สุดไปเลย แล้วยอมโดนดุเอาทีหลัง เพราะในเมื่อใส่มาแล้วกว่าจะถึงเวลานัดคุณหมอเปลี่ยนใหม่ก็ 2-3 สัปดาห์ถัดไปโน่น

ฉันใส่มาแล้วเกือบทุกสี สุภาพบ้างไม่สุภาพบ้างก็ว่ากันไป เพราะยังเกรงใจคุณครู (ที่จริงคือเคยเห็นเพื่อนที่เอะอะก็เลือกสีแสบตลอด โดนหักคะแนนจิตพิสัยไปแล้วต่างหาก)

 

กิจวัตรของชาวเหล็กดัดคือต้องมีวินัยในการดูแล ทั้งบ้วนปาก แปรงฟัน คอยส่องกระจก ต้องระวังไม่ให้เกิดแปลงผักสวนครัวขึ้นในช่องปาก และห้ามเคี้ยวอะไรแข็งๆ หมากฝรั่งนี่ยิ่งห้าม แต่ฉันก็ผ่านมันมาหมด จนแบร็กเก็ตหลุดต้องไปซ่อมอยู่หลายที

นอกจากฝึกวินัยแล้วก็เป็นการฝึกความอดทนกันไปในตัว เพราะระหว่าง 2-3 ปีที่จัดฟัน พวกเราต้องเผชิญกับร้อนในและแผลในปากกันไม่ได้ว่างเว้น ลำพังแค่พลังจากลวดก็ทำเอาปวดเหงือกแล้ว ฉันยังต้องเกี่ยวยางเพื่อช่วยให้ฟันเข้าที่อีกเป็นขั้นกว่า แต่นั่นยังไม่ใช่ขั้นสุด เมื่อหันไปเจอเพื่อนอีกคนหยิบโครงเหล็กหน้าตาประหลาดขึ้นมาสวมจากหลังคอ เอ่อ... นี่จัดฟันหรือเฝือกคออะเธอ? ท่าทางฟันของคุณเพื่อนจะขาดความสามัคคีเอามากๆ

พอโดมาได้เห็นว่าการจัดฟันมันล้ำหน้าไปไกลก็แอบอิจฉา ที่สมัยนี้มีแบบใสๆ ครอบใส่ถอดได้ ไม่ต้องอมเหล็กไว้เป็นปีๆ อีกแล้ว คุณเพื่อนคนที่ต้องใส่เฮดเกียร์รอบคอคนนั้นคงยิ่งอิจฉาหนัก

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